But to say it’s “just his/her autism” is implying that we don’t get any say in the matter. Yes, it often gives us particular habits or interests unique to us. The phrase “yeah, that’s his autism” is one I have heard far too many times. And listening is part of communication too.Ģ) Assume that most of their identity is down to autism rather than personality choices. Because guess what? He was listening!Įveryone communicates, some just in their own way. I didn’t expect him to go from staring-into-space mode to suddenly looking me straight in the eyes, grabbing my shoulder and laughing really really loud, but that’s what he did. After all, his needs took priority over mine.Īs I talked, he said nothing, did not look at me, and gave me no indication that he was listening. I was also quite sad that day for reasons I won’t go into, but I carried on talking to him despite not being in a talking mood. I was talking to him, mainly about how much the weather sucked (being an Aspie I’d much rather talk about dinosaurs or Sonic the Hedgehog than endure small talk, but I’m British so the weather is our typical go-to conversation.). The point was to give them the experience of social communication.įor example, one lunchtime I was sat outside with a twelve-year-old lad who I’m going to pretend was called James. I never expected any kind of communication in response, because that wasn’t the point. When I worked in special education, on principle I always talked to the nonverbal students. Even if they’re not talking to you, always make the assumption that they’re listening. For the record, people do this with babies and very young children too. I’ll let this badly-drawn picture do the talking. Partly because it would be disrespectful to talk about any non-autistic person as if they weren’t in the room (and therefore, why on Earth would it be different for autistic people?), and partly because of the things that can end up being said if you think they’re not listening. Which, of course, is quite a harsh assumption to make about people who simply communicate differently. The assumption is made, often without the speaker realising, that since the autistic person is looking away in silence, they must not be listening. It really is surprising how many people I’ve seen doing this. 1) Talk about them like they’re not in the room. So if you’re reading this for the first time, feel free to join our community on Facebook! And for those who feel my work is worth supporting, here’s my Patreon page.) įive ways to damage an autistic child without even knowing: (Oh- and since I wrote this article, it’s became by far the most read on Autistic Not Weird. (Not being a parent myself, I don’t claim to have any insight specific to parenting.) It is a guide for anyone who has any contact with a young and/or vulnerable autistic person, whether they are parents, teachers, teaching assistants, family friends, and so on. Rather importantly, this is not specifically a guide for parents. This is a tricky subject, I know, but these are five mistakes that need discussing. You’d be surprised how easy it is to make them. Although often done unknowingly- hence the article title- these habits have the potential to do harm. Today, I’m going to share some habits that I’ve seen in a wide variety of contexts: some of them in my career in education (mainstream and special), some of them from people dealing with me as an autistic man, some of them I’ve seen in the form of internet comments, and so on. But sadly, these are subjects that I feel we have a responsibility to talk about.
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